Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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