i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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