i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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