It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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