Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
