ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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