I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
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We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
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if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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