Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
