just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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