Well douche your snatch and let's go!
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I still have a little drunk in my system
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
