Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize