He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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