What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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