While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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