he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
