I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
