in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
