its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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