Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
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she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
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I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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