I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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