Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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