I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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