Only a mothe r could love this liver
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
