When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just gift wrapped bread.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
