how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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