so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
