I wanna passion pit in your ass
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
