her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
