fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
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Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
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Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
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