i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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