Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
