Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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