First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
