The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
you had me at cake vodka
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You were trust falling into bushes
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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