Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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