i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
