Already got asked if we're dating
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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