I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
