Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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