I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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