Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
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I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
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There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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