Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
