He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
