God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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