I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Even my vagina gasped.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
