I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
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