i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
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