You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
