you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
