12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
