They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
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The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
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I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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