I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
