You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
