dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
