His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
