i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
