just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
