Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
