i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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