Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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