how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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