did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
