I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
It's Friday. Sex?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
