you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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