Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
